Can you tell what a huge dork I am?

Dear Internet and World at Large,

This is my notice to you that, should science not work out for me and I end up opening a bakery, I am calling dibs on the name "Dessertification" because it is awesome and punny. (Get it? Because desertification is basically the transformation of land into desert, dessertification is the transformation of food into delicious dessert (or dessert-like) items!!)

I just thought you should know.

Sincerely,
Katherine

PS: Also, major props to Josh and Chuck of the "Stuff You Should Know" podcast (which, seriously, everyone should check out because you learn tons of cool stuff) for the inspiration, by pointing out that "desertification" is only spelled with one "s," thus making me think of how amusing it would be if someone did spell it with two, and thereby realizing it would be the best bakery name ever.

If I never graduate, I know who to blame

Dear Steven Moffat,

I think you have broken my brain. Seriously. All I have been able to say for the past 15 minutes is, "HWHAT?!?!... I don't... I... WHAT?!?!?!!... I don't even... But... but... HWHAAAT?!!!?!" and variations thereupon. I mean, okay, I kind of started suspecting, when I saw Amy's baby's name... but I thought, "No... That couldn't ever happen!" And then I was actually right!!!! I mean... WHAT the HECK?!?! Seriously??!?!!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure my brain is now broken. And I haven't even really TRIED to think about the timelines!!!

I really don't know how you could ever top this moment, as far as sheer WTF-ery is concerned. But I'm interested to see you (and all the other "Doctor Who" writers!!) keep trying.

Love (maybe. I'm not sure what I think about anything anymore!!),
Katherine

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Dear Committee Members and Future Employers,

If I never earn my Master's Degree, you can write angry letters about my inability to brain to Steven Moffat and the producers of "Doctor Who," as I am placing full responsibility for the breakage of said brain on their shoulders. And if you want to know why, watch "A Good Man Goes to War" (although for full brain-breakage effect, I recommend starting with "Silence in the Library" and progressing from there through the rest of Doctor Ten and then through Eleven so far. Of course, to really understand Doctor Ten, you should at least watch all of him, and to get that, you might want to watch Doctor Nine (because he's pretty awesome, too, and explains quite a bit of what ends up happening to Ten)).

But, yes, Steven Moffat is to blame for the breakage of my brain.

With sincerest apologies,
Katherine

Story of my life..

Dear Internet,

It would be a lot easier to get work done (actually, it would be a lot easier to even get to work in the first place) if you would be less interesting. Here I am, all set to head to my lab, and you present me with this cool new blog I've never seen before! I should totally read through all the archives before I go because it's interesting and thought-provoking!! (This morning's impediment, if you're wondering, was carefree white girl - it spurred many thoughts and feelings in me. And I seriously couldn't stop reading.)

Also, showing me things like foodgawker to drool over, when I already have an RSS feed full of craftgawker things to ogle (among the other various food blogs and craft blogs and funny blogs and real-world news blogs I read) is just not fair. I only have so much time in a day, but you make me want to spend it seeing EVERYTHING EVER ON THE INTERNET instead of doing things I actually need to be doing!

Or I guess I could just learn to control myself when it comes to these things, although that's not very likely...

Yours in distraction and procrastination,
Katherine

Nightmares on top of nightmares

Dear Matthew Graham,

It's not that I didn't enjoy this episode of "Doctor Who"... It's just that you managed to cram every single nightmare into "The Almost People"!!!

Seriously, I thought the gas-mask faces in "The Empty Child" were awful... but seeing a human mouth stretch that way is horrifying. And eyes on the wall? Awful. And the whole "not knowing who's original and who's a double" thing isn't exactly a comforting thought. But then, on top of all that... suddenly waking up in labor!! That is possibly the most terrifying idea ever.

I hope you're happy - I may never sleep again.

Sincerely,
Katherine

PS - No hard feelings, though, really - it was a great couple of episodes!!

I kind of like having good vision, actually...

Dear chromosomes,

Please keep yourselves together when you get stained. I don't appreciate straining my eyes constantly to try and determine how many bands you have. It would also be really helpful if, when you get squashed onto slides, you could not be all twisted and coiled up. Let me tell you, trying to decipher banding patterns is difficult enough without the added bonus of having you crossing all over yourselves like a tangle of yarn!

I'd really appreciate it if you would be nice to me... I would like to still be sane and not blind when I finish my degree!

Thanks,
Katherine

This blog is in serious danger of becoming too serious...

Dear People who call yourselves both Christians and Objectivists,

I spent literally over an hour the other day responding to the idea that being Objectivist and Christian aren't contradictory. It turned into, essentially, an essay outlining many of my own personal beliefs (which, frankly, are far from Objectivism) and how they fit with my personal interpretation and experience of Christianity. I think the underlying basis of most of what I wrote can be summarized in this way: I don't think that using every avenue available (including action by governments, from local to national) to help work towards a just, equal society for all entitles me to abdicate my own personal responsibility to help my neighbors (a category that includes... well, everyone). I think government can do many things to help the disadvantaged that I, as an individual, or even as a member of a church, can't do - things like passing laws preventing discrimination based on race, gender, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, and age; things like using tax money to provide assistance, both monetary and non-monetary, for those who cannot afford food, shelter, healthcare, and other necessities for a decent life on their own.

(On doing some brief reading about Objectivism, I found that Ayn Rand sharply criticized altruism and self-sacrifice, which, as far as I'm concerned, are pretty key tenets of Christianity. And, actually, of all 3 main monotheistic religions, as well as many other religions... So there is that, too.)

What this really comes down to, ultimately, is that I think your philosophy on life doesn't actually match up with your professed theology.

Sincerely,
Katherine

I hear you also have lots of cheese.

Dear Wisconsin,

I admit it: there are already several things I miss about you. The relatively cool weather. Cheap milk. Lots of beer. Long daylight hours.

There are also things I don't miss so much, including the straight roads (I like my roads with some curves), crazy accents, cold days (seriously, it is MAY. Not March.), and the extremely high number of massively oversized mosquitoes.

Overall, though, I did enjoy our 2 1/2 weeks together. Perhaps we will meet again some time!

Affectionately,
Katherine

There are 8 bananas in my freezer, but I have to do real work

Dear Microsoft Word,

I'm not blind. I don't need you to open at 125% zoom. Please stop. I like 100% zoom and that's it. This shouldn't be difficult to understand. Considering every time I open a document I have to change the zoom, there should either be a way for you to "figure it out" and just start at 100% or a way for me to set the default view to 100%.

With annoyance,
Katherine

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Dear Lab report,

Could you just write yourself, please? I have many other things I'd like to do with my time, including working on the proposal I have to turn in on Thursday, making banana bread, unpacking from this weekend, or getting ready for my trip to Wisconsin in a couple weeks.

Sincerely,
Katherine

I don't care if Monday's blue, Tuesday's gray and Wednesday, too, Thursday I don't care about you...

Dear Friday,

Please get here soon! Your arrival means that my proposal defense will be over, and I'm really looking forward to having that done with. Even if I fail, at least I won't be dreading it anymore.

Also, being the day before the weekend, I will welcome you even more.

I can't wait to see you!

Love,
Katherine

I've been putting this off for way too long

Dear Tomomi from Japan, Tish from Canada, Michelle from San Antonio, Rebecca from Arkansas, Petra from Germany, Gina from the Netherlands, and the anonymous person from Russia,

Thank you for the postcards! I really enjoyed receiving them, and reading your advice was pretty awesome, too:

Smile always!

Always be honest, and value your friends.

Don't sweat the small stuff because at the end of the day it's not going to matter. 

Look up; look closely; just look. Never feel bad for crying. be the friend you'd want to have, both to yourself and others. Learn to read, and learn to love to read. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Be thankful for light. Remember to BREATHE. (It's totally cool that you couldn't make up your mind, Rebecca!) 

Always love yourself no matter what others say. 

Grow, enjoy and laugh, let yourself go and shine with your presence. 

Existence is determined by your mind. Listen to your senses and feelings and have a great will to live.

Pretty profound stuff!

Hopefully I'll be sending out a few more cards in the near future - life has gotten a little crazy recently!

Cheers,
Katherine

*Note: Postcrossing (www.postcrossing.com) is "the postcard crossing project", in which you "send a postcard and receive a postcard back from a random person somewhere in the world!" As part of my profile, I ask people to answer this question on their cards to me: If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?*