Dear girl at Zumba today,
I'm sure it's vital that you look your best during this high-intensity workout. You are probably one of those girls who never seems to sweat and looks perfect after working out (which is unfair and ridiculous, by the way). However, wearing pearls is crossing the line. Now you look like you're trying way too hard. (Also, aren't you worried they'll get messed up or broken??) Please cease this inexplicable behavior.